Engaged

What Your First Year of Marriage Teaches You

• July 21, 2015
• by Natasha Burton

While one year of marriage hardly seems like an accomplishment (my grandparents make it to 50, after all!), I can say that this first 365 days of matrimony has still been significant—at least in terms of what I’ve learned along the way.

I can’t speak for other couples, but I can share my own experiences and what this first year has taught me about my relationship, myself and marriage in general.

First, I’ve learned that being married is far less stressful than wedding planning—at least for me. While I absolutely loved planning our wedding (so much so that I even became a wedding planner!), the process of making decisions for this huge event was a little…much at times. I felt so much pressure to make sure every choice was special, personal, and, well, right. Looking back, I realize that I didn’t need to work myself up over things so much and that while I loved all the DIY projects and special touches I worked so hard on, they aren’t what made the day as memorable as it was.

Married life, while full of decisions and tasks (because, life), is much more mundane—in a good way.

Another key lesson I learned has to do with my perception of marriage and how that’s changed. Before I was indeed married, I thought of the institution as the ultimate secure status. While being boyfriend and girlfriend was a fragile relationship (always the chance of breaking up!), being husband and wife was a solidified existence. I figured I wouldn’t never have another doubting thought about a relationship again once I had a ring on my finger.

Even though I am confident in my marriage, love my husband, and know that he loves me—and while being married does in many ways feel like the cozy nest I pictured—there is far more at stake when you’re wed than when you’re simply dating. Rather than feeling carefree, I find myself thinking critically about my choices as a wife—how what I do will affect my husband, how I can communicate better, talk more gently, be the person I want to be. I don’t do this out of fear of divorce or a worry of disappointing my husband, rather, I feel a deeper desire to just be better. Showing up for my husband, and our marriage, as my best self matters far more now.

Finally, I’ve learned that while I do feel a sense of responsibility to myself and my husband to continue to be a better person, marriage hasn’t really changed our daily lives all that much. We still go out for drinks with friends, watch The Bachelor on Monday nights, spend lazy Saturday mornings in our pajamas, and take turns making each other coffee. Yet, even when we do these everyday things, I love being able to call this man I’ve chosen as my husband, and likewise being called his wife. Sometimes, hearing these still new-to-us names spoken aloud (like, when we introduce each other) surprises me. In a good way, of course. When I hear them, I feel grown up in a way I never have before. And I feel a sense of pride to know that we’ve each chosen to officially build our lives together as a team.

I can only hope that, when we’re celebrating our own 50th anniversary, I still feel this joy and satisfaction, even after the word “wife” has been uttered hundreds of times. As it stands now, I can’t imagine ever getting tired of hearing it.

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Natasha Burton

Relationship expert Natasha Burton is the author of four books: 101 Quizzes for Brides & Grooms, 101 Quizzes for Couples, 101 Quizzes for BFFs, and The Little Black Book of Big Red Flags. When she's not writing, she's likely doing yoga, baking, or watching The Bachelor.

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