While I’m having a blast planning my wedding, I’m just as actively prepping for marriage, which includes reading books on the subject and having some deep talks with my guy about our future together.
Recently, I picked up a copy of the newly-released marriage advice book Happily Ever After: A Light-hearted Guide to Wedded Bliss, written by Jane Fearnley-Whittingstall, who has been married to her husband for fifty years. (Who better to give lasting love advice, right?!)
In the spirit of doing both wedding and marriage prep, I asked Fearnley-Whittingstall to share her top five tips for a long and happy union. I hope they inspire you as much as they’ve inspired me!
1. Face the world together. The most fulfilling relationships occur when a couple stands back-to-back, facing outwards, not face-to-face, which makes them so absorbed in each other that they exclude all others.
2. Don’t think you can “Marry the man today and change his ways tomorrow.” First of all, it won’t work. And anyway, why would you want it to? If you succeeded in molding your partner into your ideal, chances are you’d end up wishing you still had the old, imperfect model that you fell in love with.
3. Don’t let trivial things become big issues. It’s often petty irritations, as well as small pleasures, that determine whether a marriage is a success. When you argue, be generous. If you are in the wrong, give in gracefully. In the words of the poet Ogden Nash:
‘To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the loving cup,
Whenever you’re wrong, admit it;
Whenever you’re right, shut up.’
4. Don’t panic if, sometime early in your marriage, you wake in the night wondering if you made a mistake. The answer is “no.” You are simply making the transition from the heightened, feverish emotions of being madly in love to the long-term business of simply loving each other, warts and all.
5. Keep laughing together. Now that my husband and I have reached this point in our lives, I realize that the sometimes rocky path has been smoothed by laughter shared with family and friends, and private jokes between the two of us. In company, we can catch each other’s eye in a way that’s invisible to others. When alone, we often know what the other is about to say before they speak, and smile when we say the same thing in chorus. It’s the laughter—more than anything—that has made it all worthwhile.
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