Coffee Break

10 Relationship Deal Breakers You Should Reconsider

• October 9, 2014
• by Natasha Burton

We all have those non-negotiable standards when it comes to relationships—habits, qualities, characteristics, details, and so on that we will simply not stand for. However, it’s important to reevaluate these from time to time in order to make sure you’re not automatically ruling out someone who could totally be husband material. What you think might be a deal breaker may actually be no big deal when it comes to Mr. Right. (As the co-author of The Little Black Book of Big Red Flags—shameless plug!—I literally wrote the book on dating deal breakers. So, you can trust me on this one.)

Now, the non-deal breakers below are simply guidelines. Only you know what qualities you’d be able to deal with and which ones you’re totally not okay with when it comes to a person you’re dating—or even considering spending your life with. But hopefully reading the points below will encourage you to be a little less picky so you don’t overlook someone who could be great for you in the long-term.

1. He’s not your usual type.
Maybe you typically fall for nerdy intellectuals or athletic jocks. But you shouldn’t let your predisposition toward one type of guy limit your selection. You never know who you might click with, after all.

2. He was late to your first date.
Okay, yes, the fact that he was late is annoying, not to mention kind of rude. But, instead of casting the guy aside at the first tiny transgression, why not give him a second chance? More often than not, mistakes like this one don’t indicate a guy’s real character.

3. He has an annoying habit.
Chewing with his mouth open, sighing audibly during movies, adjusting his boxers in public… yeah… some guys are less than couth when it comes to social graces. But these not-so-awesome habits are easily pointed out and corrected—they’re not character flaws.

4. He’s been married before.
For some, this is a totally non-negotiable deal breaker. Which is fine. But, if you think you could overlook this fact—do it. Divorced guys can be more self-aware and more eager to please than guys who have never been married. They know their flaws, understand what’s at stake in relationships, and they are more determined to make a relationship work.

5. He makes less money than you do.
Unless the guy has a complex about you out-earning him—or wants you to fund his non-ambitious existence—this should be a non-issue, especially for a woman who can take care of herself.

6. He’s shorter than you.
Just like with the “type” deal breaker, you may surprise yourself on this one, especially if you’ve only dated tall guys. In fact, a new study shows that shorter men make better husbands and have longer-lasting marriages.

7. Your friends are quick to point out his flaws.
Clearly, if your friends say they don’t like the way a guy treats you, or they have legit concerns about him—that’s probably a deal breaker. But if you get the sense that your pals are being nit-picky because they have impossible standards or they’re just jealous that you found a potential BF, you should take their criticism with a grain of salt.

8. His musical tastes are…questionable at best.
Look, two people rarely have the same taste in everything, from movies, to TV, to music. Sure, he may love heavy metal, while you’re a total pop diva, but that doesn’t mean you can’t both groove together by finding common ground (Jack Johnson, perhaps?).

9. He’s not affectionate on social media.
Many women want a guy who will write romantic status updates and wall posts, or write lovey-dovey captions on Instagram photos tagged with #myboo. But most guys are not so into this. Don’t take a man’s lack of social love as a sign that he’s just not into you. He’s probably just not that into broadcasting his feelings to everyone he’s ever known.

10. His apartment is super messy.
While you won’t want to date a guy who’s a total slob, you have to understand that a guy who lives like a bachelor is going to, well, live like a bachelor. Just because he’s messy in his own place doesn’t mean he has no concept of how to clean up. Besides, your super girly comforter and the stuffed animals on your bed don’t mean that you’re immature, right? It goes both ways.

Natasha Burton is a relationship author, freelance writer and editor.

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Natasha Burton

Relationship expert Natasha Burton is the author of four books: 101 Quizzes for Brides & Grooms, 101 Quizzes for Couples, 101 Quizzes for BFFs, and The Little Black Book of Big Red Flags. When she's not writing, she's likely doing yoga, baking, or watching The Bachelor.

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